Deleted scene from an episode of The Dead Possum Inn


Sometimes when you're writing a teleplay, screenplay, or even a novel, you have to cut a scene. Maybe it's because your script is running too long, or because the scene doesn't advance the plot. In this particular case I had to cut the scene for both reasons. It still might make it into another episode later on. There's quite a bit I like about it, particularly because it allows the character Gary (short for Garland) to shine a bit. I really like her character because she brings a lot of optimism and warmth to her scenes. A series full of dark humor like The Dead Possum Inn can use that from time to time. 

Another reason I like this scene is that it's based on something that actually happened to me at the shitty one star hotel I used to work at. Unfortunately, in my case the guest survived.


CUT TO:

INT. RED BLOSSOM INN - FRONT DESK - DAY



GARY IS SITTING AT THE FRONT DESK READING A BOOK.

NARRATOR

(voice over)

Thanks for coming back. Didn't think you'd make it after that shitty cold opening. Front desk scenes are usually fun though. But why the hell is Gary here?

DICK THUMB approaches the front desk. Gary LOWERS HER BOOK AND smiles cheerfully to him.

GARY

Hello! I'm Gary! I'm watching the front desk while everybody else is doing other things.

NARRATOR

(voice over)

Ah! Expository dialogue. Lazy ass writers.

GARY

I don't actually work here. I'm just doing this as a favor to the owner because he won a bet on how many eggs I could shove into my mouth without breaking them.

Gary looks down at her blouse which is still stained with egg yoke.

GARY (CONT'D)

Turns out not many.

Dick THUMB is irritated by Gary's rambling.

DICK THUMB

I don't care about that nonsense. I have a complaint.

GARY

Oh dear! What room are you in, sir?

DICK THUMB

I'm in room 132.

Gary looks up the room number in the computer.

GARY

Ah, 132. You must be Thumb Dick.

DICK THUMB

Actually, it's Dick Thumb.

GARY

Says Thumb Dick here in the computer.

DICK THUMB

The computer just put my last name first. It's common practice.

Dick Thumb takes out his wallet and shows Gary his ID.

DICK THUMB (CONT'D)

Look at my driver's license.

GARY

That says Thumb Dick too.

DICK THUMB

But it's just the way it's formatted. My name is actually Dick Thumb. Look, there is a comma between Thumb and Dick.

GARY

So your middle name is a Comma?

DICK THUMB

No! The comma separates my last name and my first name.

GARY

Ah. So it should be pronounced with a pause. Like Thumb (beat) Dick.

DICK THUMB

No! No! No! My name is not Thumb Dick. It's Dick Thumb! Thumb is my last name! Dick is my first name!

GARY

So, it's like how they do it in China? The last name comes first?

DICK THUMB

This is unbelievable!

GARY

Well, it's unusual, but not really unbelievable. Unbelievable would be if your name were

(makes a strange, annoying high-pitched squeal)

DICK THUMB

Is there someone else I can talk to?

Gary places a comforting hand on Dick's shoulder.

GARY

You mean like a therapist? Must have been hard growing up with a name like Thumb Dick. Did the kids make fun of you in school?

Hiram calls over the walkie talkie.

HIRAM

(over walkie talkie)

Hiram to Gary. Come in Gary.

Gary picks up the walkie talkie and speaks into it.

GARY

Gary here.

HIRAM

(over walkie talkie)

How are things going?

GARY

The guy from room 132 seems to have a problem.

HIRAM

(over walkie talkie)

You mean Thumb Dick?

Dick THUMB is getting frustrated now as he overhears.

DICK THUMB

Listen, I found a used hypodermic needle in my bathroom.

Gary talks into the walkie talkie.

GARY

Thumb Dick says he found a used hypodermic needle in his bathroom.

HIRAM

(over walkie talkie)

Well, I certainly hope that stupid Thumb Dick didn't bring the filthy thing into the hotel! He should have left it at home!

DICK THUMB

I didn't find it in my bathroom, you idiot! I found it in the bathroom in room 132!

GARY

He says he didn't find it in his bathroom, you idiot. He found it in the bathroom in room 132.

There is a pause before Hiram answers.

HIRAM

(over walkie talkie)

Tell him there's no extra charge.

Dick Thumb is angry as he hears Hiram's response.

DICK THUMB

Extra charge? You should be giving me a discount!

Gary talks into the walkie talkie.

GARY

Thumb Dick wants a discount.

HIRAM

(over walkie talkie)

A discount? Not until he shows you the actual hypodermic needle.

Gary speaks to Dick Thumb.

GARY

He says…

Dick Thumb puts his hand in his pocket.

DICK THUMB

I heard him.

Dick THUMB's eyes get wide as he pulls his hand out of his pocket. The hypodermic needle is stuck in his hand.

DICK THUMB(CONT'D)

Oh my.

Dick Thumb collapses on the floor.

Gary frantically calls to him from the front desk.

GARY

Thumb Dick! Thumb Dick! Are you all right, Thumb Dick?

Gary picks up the walkie talkie and talks into it.

GARY (CONT'D)

I think Thumb Dick is dead!

There is a pause.

HIRAM

(over walkie talkie)

Well then, no discount.

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